Cor Leonis
by Yukirei
Summary: Sometimes it's hard to accept that what you've believed all your life may be wrong.. but there'll come a time when you have to make a choice... title changed


Disclaimer:  I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters.  They belong to J.K. Rowling.  This is a non-profit fanfiction written by a fan for the enjoyment of other fans.

Author's note:  I would like to thank a friend of mine, trio, as well as Sugar Quill's Stella for beta-reading this. 

**Cor Leonis**

_By Yukirei_

            "Are you considering refusing the Dark Lord?"

            I shook my head automatically.  My eyes remained fixed on the stone floor, staring at, yet not seeing, the cracks on the uneven surface.  I didn't dare look up, too afraid that my eyes would reveal the confusion I felt.  I knew that Lucius was family.  But I also knew that he would not make any exceptions when reporting his doubts to the Dark Lord.

            "He must die.  You do understand that."

            I blinked as I slowly registered the statement.  No… NO!  That was precisely what I did not understand!

            I finally tore my eyes away from the floor and looked up at him.  His facial features were completely devoid of emotion as his steel grey eyes bored into mine.   _Why_?  I wanted to ask.  But I hesitated.  I should…  I wanted to!  But I couldn't.

            "The Dark Lord does not need to tell you his reasons."

            My heart skipped a beat.  Was Lucius reading my mind?

            "But considering that we are cousins-in-law, I will tell you that the Dark Lord has been informed that Siruis Black is very likely to be the one chosen as the Potters' Secret Keeper."

            Secret Keeper…?  Potter?  The name rang a bell…

            "And naturally, our Lord has other plans regarding who the Potters' Secret Keeper should be."  

            I finally broke eye contact.  My mind was reeling.  I didn't know what to think.  I didn't _want _to think anymore.

            "You should be honoured that our Lord has given you the task of killing him."

            Honoured…?  I suddenly felt sickened.  Sickened as I had never felt before.  I was supposed to be honoured to kill my own blood brother?! 

            I remember that I had been more than elated when the news first came that the Dark Lord would be giving me a _very_ important assignment.  Mother had been immensely pleased when I shared the news with her.  She patted me on my back, and told me she was proud that I was going to make myself more useful in our ever-honourable-and-great cause… 

            But never…  Never in my life had I expected what Lucius would tell me to do.  Sirius was no Mudblood!  The blood that flowed in his veins was as pure as ours!  

            He was one of us,

            Wasn't he?

            One of the very people we were fighting for…

            Wasn't he?

            I was trembling.  I knew I was, but I couldn't control myself.  My knees were going to give way.  I was going to collapse onto the floor before I could help it.

            "You have the night to consider.  I will be back at dawn."  Lucius's voice broke into my thoughts.

            I couldn't look up.  I couldn't even nod.

            "I trust that your choice will not be…  foolish."

            With a loud crack, he was gone.

            I fell to the floor.

            _To be fully pure _is_ the greatest gift that was bestowed on you.  On us._

_            Look at them, Regulus.  Do you see how they watch us with envy in their eyes?  Our blood is priceless.  For we… are pure. _

_            Do not be afraid to tell the half-breeds and the Mudbloods that you are above them.  Because that is an unchangeable fact._

_            Someone finally has the right idea about things.  This is how things should have been done all along.  The Mudbloods should have been eradicated  ages ago._

_            Your mother and I are proud of you, our little king.  By joining the army of Lord Voldemort to fight bravely for the cleansing of Wizard kind, you have chosen to serve a noble cause._

            But what noble cause was _this_?

            The question wasn't a completely unfamiliar one.  I had found myself having doubts before, almost asking this very question, but I had always managed to push it away before it formed fully in my head.  I didn't need to question.  I knew the answers!  I knew that the Mudbloods, the half-breeds, anyone who wasn't a pureblood, was unworthy!  Hadn't I always been told so?  Yet…  why did that question still linger?  Why did I still remember those words that Sirius had told me when I was six?

            _They aren't always right, you know?  And you don't always need to listen to them._

            Suddenly I found myself wondering.  What was it like to have a Mudblood as a friend?  Or should I say…  a Muggle-born?  I had never tried befriending one before.  They were as much a taboo on my friends list as the dark creatures like vampires and werewolves.  Thus I had never even wanted to speak to one during my time at Hogwarts.

            I had never given them a chance, had I?

            And it took me this long to think about that?

            _"Hey."_

_            I turned, freezing on the spot as I realised who it was._

_            "Don't recognise me?"  A slight grin was on his face._

_            I shouldn't be talking to him.  **The blood traitor! ** I hear Mother's voice screaming in my head._

_            My eyebrows creased.  A part of me missed chatting with him, yet…  I didn't want to be seen being friendly with a traitor, and furthermore, a Gryffindor, would I now?  Even if he was my brother.  Cross that, Mother had said that he was no longer a part of our family._

_             I carefully twisted my lips into a sneer._

_            "Why should I?"  I asked coldly._

_            The grin on his face vanished._

_            "I'm glad to see that you're doing fine,"  he barked, sarcasm dripping from his voice._

_            I hesitated.  Should I also be sarcastic and reply "Same goes for me"?  I've never been very good with sarcasm._

_            He took the decision off my hands._

_            "Look, be careful with your choices.  Don't go ruining your life now, alright?"_

_            I stared at him.  At the unexpectedly gentle tone of his voice.  At the genuine concern in his eyes.  For that moment, he was no longer the blood traitor Mother had accused him to be.  He was my very dear brother._

_            The carriage swayed as the train curved around a bend.  The jolt seemed to awaken me from the dreamlike state I was falling into.  Suddenly it all came back.  Blood traitor, useless scum…  The string of curses came out in a rush in my head in Mother's voice as I forced myself to remain clear-headed about who I was speaking to._

_             The first thought against him I could force from my mind, I spoke aloud, "What are you trying to do?  Control my life?" _

_            He said nothing.  Just continued to look at me with this strange look in his eyes._

_            I wasn't used to him being quiet.  I was used to him shouting, raving, yelling when he was provoked.  But he wasn't anything like that today.  And in a way, it frightened and unnerved me more than any amount of screaming could have done._

_            Finally, he turned away. _

_            I watched his figure become smaller as he strode down the narrow corridor.  I suddenly realised…  this had been his last year at Hogwarts and he was not going to go home, which meant that this might be the last time I'll be seeing him, actually talking to him.  I felt an impulse to shout out, to call him back.  To tell him, that I cared about him too. But for some reason, I didn't. _

           I couldn't do it.

            The first life I took was a horrible experience.  Even knowing that she was a Mudblood did not help.  Nothing ever really did.  Despite the knowledge that the people I was killing were either Mudbloods or their equally worthless Muggle relatives, I still had nightmares.

            I had convinced myself that the misery the nightmares left me with was worth it.  For I was fighting to cleanse Wizard kind.  As uphill a task as it seemed. 

            But… 

            I couldn't kill him.

            I couldn't kill Sirius!

            I couldn't kill my own brother!  

            Not for the Dark Lord.

            Not for anyone else!

            **I don't want to!**

            I didn't know what to do.

            I did the only thing I could think of doing.

            In my desperation to escape,

            I ran away.

            Away from this house

            Away from Lucius Malfoy

            Away from the Dark Lord

            The Dark Mark burned fiercely on my left arm.  But I bit back my tears.  I wasn't going to turn back now!  Or ever!

            "_Be careful with your choices.  Don't go ruining your life now, alright?"_

            For once, I felt that I _was_ making a right choice.  A proper decision of my own.

            For once, I felt just a little worthy of my name, _Regulus_.  Not "the little king" as my parents used to say I was.  But rather, _Cor Leonis_, the Lion's heart.


End file.
